Top Ten Ways William Shatner Could Return for Star Trek 3

startrek3The rumor that William Shatner is returning for Star Trek 3 is flying all over the place, but even The Man himself isn’t sure how the hell they might do it, so I came up with a list.  Paramount, feel free to pick any one of these.  Here’s how William Shatner could return for Star Trek 3:

10.  The Borg revive him using nano-whats-its.  Captain Picard shows up to help out Kirk, since the guy has experience with nano-whats-its.  You can have TWO Captains PLUS a reboot Captain in your movie.  That’s THREE Enterprise Captains.  And TWO of them are Kirk.  It’s a brilliant idea.

9.  Vulcan Mysticism – Old Spock is already around the reboot JJ-Universe, so there’s no problem getting him all concerned about his buddy, who died in Star Trek: Generations.  Old Spock goes to a Vulcan witch lady and revives Captain Kirk with the power of Vulcan mysticism, chanting and dancing along the way. Maybe New Spock can explore Vulcan at the same time.  I smell character development.

8.  New Kirk meets Gary Seven.  Gary Seven is an old Star Trek character from “Tomorrow is Yesterday” in 1967.  Gary Seven has weird powers, technology, and can time travel.  He revives Old Kirk to help him solve a crisis because New Kirk won’t trust him or some crap like that.  They love their Star Trek references, so why not.

7.  Evil Kirk? Yes, a guy shows up CLAIMING to be Old Kirk, but Old Spock knows Old Kirk is really dead.  So who is this guy?  He’s EVIL KIRK.  A clone of the original or something.  And they turn him good.  Fun for all.

6.  The Guardian – The Guardian of Forever enables a select few of the New Crew to rescue Captain Kirk from his death at end of Star Trek: Generations.  They go undercover so as to not break time and space.  Or something.

5.  Other Worldly?  The JJ-Enterprise blows up and everyone goes to the afterworld or something, which is really a giant casino in the clouds run by a vicious drug lord.  They have to fight their way back and guess who helps them?  That’s right, the dead Captain Kirk.  That’d be amazing.

4.  Kirk’s Brother?  New Kirk can’t figure something out, so Old Spock reminds everybody that Kirk had a twin brother who knows everything.  They warp in William Shatner as the brother.  

3.  New Kirk ages and becomes William Shatner in the future.  The end.

2.  Kirk-only Illness?  New Kirk comes down with a Kirk illness that he needs a blood transfusion for, but the only Kirk blood around is in Old Kirk.  Old Spock helps him dig up Old Kirk and they revive him for the blood transfusion.  Everyone lives and everyone’s happy.

1.   The Old Universe collapses and weird dimensional rifts open everywhere, sending through every god damn thing you can think of into the reboot Universe.  Old Kirk, Old Chekov, Old Uhura, Old Scotty’s Dog, The evil Borg.  EVERYBODY shows up.  It’s a SHIT storm that’s so bad it’s good.