Roger Corman exploits Cover Girl Models (1975)

cover2This movie is Charlie’s Angels with exploitation.  I am almost embarrassed to review it, but Roger Corman doesn’t have a problem with it, and he’s made way more money than me.  Unlike Corman’s Death Race 2000 (1975), this movie has no gratuitous violence and there are no horror elements.  There are plenty of female characters and plenty of nudity, if you like that sort of thing.  I got this movie second-hand for five bucks at a swap meet and probably overpaid.  Good thing this movie is short.

cover3The only thing Cover Girl Models has in common with Death Race 2000 is that it is an exploitation movie.  It has the complete opposite tone and pace.  Cover Girl Models moves along at a leisurely jaunt and the characters chat it up with badly acted dialogue.  At one point, I was hoping for some action, like an explosion or I was hoping John Cleese would run in with a joke.  The closest we get to a joke is when a bikini model falls in a pool and has to be rescued cause she can’t swim.  Hilarious. Har har.

The story plods along for a while, tosses in some subplots and then drops them as something else comes up.  The story is about spies or something, but doesn’t go anywhere.  This movie is classified as a thriller, but I don’t see how.  I wonder if stupidity is a genre.  The direction done in this movie is pretty poor and the sets are horrible.  

cover4At one point, the models give a show in Japan.  The crowd looks as bored as any I’ve ever seen.  They’re all Japanese businessman and housewives who sit there like they’re waiting for the next train.  I think one of them was sleeping.  The girls actually perform a show and we get to see what a cheapass 1970s fashion show might look like if it had four models and six outfits.  

At one point, the girls are attacked by stuntmen who knows kung fu.  Luckily, the girls’ Japanese friend knows kung fu too.  The men all fight as one of the women looks scared.  Pretty stupid.  I thought the main characters were the models.  I guess not.  There are a couple more sequences like this.  To be honest, they should have either made a kung fu movie or polished the dialogue because the director can’t seem to combine these two things.

Exploitation fans might fall asleep with this one, so I would recommend Death Race 2000, Dementia 13, or Battle Beyond the Stars (1980).  Even Attack of the Crab Monster is better than this one.  The most annoying thing about this movie is the soundtrack, which is generic swing music that repeats on a loop.  Maybe I’ll call these exploitation movies ‘swap meet movies’, because I never see them talked about or discussed by anyone.  I had never heard of this one before, but it was made by Roger Corman, so I was conned into buying it. In the end, Johnny Kung Fu saves the girls and shoots the gang dead.  The end.  Finally.

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