31 Days of Halloween – Day 7 – Could The Prophecy be any slower?


proph1The Prophecy (1995) really has no concept of pace, and meanders around more casually than a football fan after about twenty beers.  To say this movie has a slow pace is an understatement.  Christopher Walken does his best with a crappy script, but Viggo Mortensen doesn’t even show up until about forty-five minutes in.  And these guys are your two stars.  For the second time this week, I was fooled by the promise of a good cult film.

Every scene in this movie has something to do with Heaven, Hell, or Angels.  The details and obsessive focus is laid on really thick.  Most of the dialogue borders on debate and fierce verbal battles, never allowing for any semblance of conversation.  There’s no transitions, downtime, or character moments in this movie.  You get Angels looking ominous, some echoey church music in the background, and Christopher Walken being badass.  That’s it.

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SHH! Don’t say cult film

It’s almost as if Walken read the script and decided to see how much fun he could have with it.  There’s one scene where he’s sitting in a diner, trying to decide what to do next.  His half-dead succubus woman zombie is sitting next to him.  Walken has his fingers pressed together and is lost in deep thought.  This ridiculous situation made me chuckle.  Walken plays many of these over-the-top scenes so straight, just a little deviation in his mannerisms or dialogue delivery make everything funny and great fun.  He’s the only thing good about this movie, by far.

This movie was written by Gregory Widen, the guy responsible for Highlander AND Highlander 2, along with some other crap/gold.  Mostly crap.  Had I known, I guess I would have expected this kind of disjointed, outrageous movie from The Prophecy.

proph3The movie follows this priest turned cop played by Elias Koteas, who thinks he’s in a serious movie.  To begin with, he gets a weird vision, so he quits the priesthood and becomes a cop.  I wish I could quit my job at the sight of something weird.  Anyway.  Ironically, he sees more weird stuff on the job as a police detective.  One of his more interesting cases is the murder of a hermaphrodite Angel with no eyes, who was thrown out a window and run over by a pink Chevy.  If you think that description is a bit over-the-top, then you should see the rest of the movie.

The plot is ultimately moved by a MacGuffin, the soul of a really bad guy these Angels are fighting over.  Christopher Walken goes looking for this soul, because he wants to take over Heaven because this evil soul is his ticket to Ultimate Power or something stupid like that.  The Devil waltzes in at the end of the movie and goes, “Uhh, you can’t do that,” then beats him  up.  

In all, there are a few memorable scenes, but not many.  Christopher Walken is in most of them.  He’s so badass I was waiting for him to put on shades.  Elias Koteas is just there.  Viggo doesn’t make much impact.  Mostly, the movie doesn’t move fast enough to actually have a pulse and build some tension.  At least it doesn’t waste Christopher Walken, who easily outshines his dull co-stars as the Angel with all the right movies.

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31. Poltergeist (1982) vs Poltergeist (2015)
30. Blair Witch Project (1999)
29. Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
28. The Wicker Man (1973) and The Wicker Man Remake
27. Tales from the Darkside, the Movie (1990)
26. Saw (2004)
25. The Prophecy (1995)
24. The Hills have Eyes (1977)
23. House of the Long Shadows (1983)
22. Creepshow (1982)
21. Phantasm (1979)
20. The Omen (1976) vs Damien: The Omen II
19. We Are Still Here (2015)
18. The Guest (2010)
17. Return of the Living Dead (1985)
15. The House that Dripped Blood (1971)
14. Army of Darkness (1992)
13. In the Mouth of Madness (1994)
12. Friday the 13th Part III
11. Theater of Blood (1973)
10. House of Wax (1953) vs House of Wax (2005)
9. Hellraiser Inferno (2000)
8. Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)
7. The Changeling (1980)
6. The Eye (2002)
5. The Hitcher (1986)
4. Paranormal Activity (2007)
3. 28 Days Later (2003)
2. Suspiria (1977)
1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – This review will be published October 31st!

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