31 Days of Halloween – Day 22 – Hellraiser Inferno (2000)

raiser6This direct-to-video Hellraiser film tries to be clever, which fooled some critics, who called it the best Hellraiser movie since the original.  You must be kidding me.  If you think I’m being harsh, then let me remind you that this movie starts with a voiceover, stupid church music, and a DUMB character.  Not only that, it’s got all the stupid horror cliches.  Fake scares, twist endings, a buddy to the main character, and more.  It just goes on and on without giving up a good Pinhead scene.  So why is this on my marathon list?  Good question.  I guess I was fooled too.  

I never saw this movie before this week and some people I know love it.  I’ll have to ask them what part.  The characters are NOT likeable at all, especially the annoying cops.  The movie follows Detective Jerkface, who is a real bully.  He’s proud of his status in life and brags to his pal about bullying some geeky kids when he was younger.  What an annoying guy.  After about fifteen minutes of this guy, I was hoping Pinhead would come along and get to work.  Maybe that’s a plus for this movie.  I’m not sure.

raiser1Most of the movie is a police procedural, which sucks, but at least the dialogue is delightfully awful.  It’s hilarious, as in straight from a B-Movie.  In addition to horror cliches, this movie ALSO has police cliches too.  He’s got a police flashlight.  He’s rough with his suspects.  He’s a police officer, get it? They DOUBLED the cliches by using two stupid genres in the same movie.  Inventive.

This movie was directed by Scott Derrickson, the guy who wrote and directed the film The Exorcism of Emily Rose, which is not that good either.  He’s also the guy now directing the Dr. Strange movie for Marvel.  A direct-to-video guy is now with the biggest movie studio on Earth, directing a movie about my favorite Marvel character.  My life sucks, apparently.

raiser4Detective Joe Thorn is played by Craig Sheffer, the guy from One Tree Hill, the stupid TV show formerly on the WB.  Anyway, his character slowly goes nuts as the Cenobites haunt and torment him for most of the running time, which is a new move for them, I think.  Thorn begins to wonder what’s taking them so long, because they’re supposed to drag him to Hell, or something.  So the movie becomes an even more annoying police procedural, as he tries to figure this out too.  More investigation.  Yay me.

After Thorn investigates for a while, he finds Pinhead hanging out with himself in a dark room.  Yeah, that’s right, it’s some sort of confusing paradox ending.  I don’t even want to think about it.  Pinhead is overdramatic for a while and Thorn screams for a while.  They drag him to Hell.  Big surprise.  What took them so long?  Who knows.  

In all, this is not a good movie.  It doesn’t make sense.  The main character is a liar and cheats on his wife, so there’s not much to root for in this movie.  Pinhead, I guess, because we root for the villains in today’s horror movies.  Nicholas Turturro plays his partner, but he has no impact on the story and there’s no character development.  Thorn just goes through the motions while Pinhead teaches him a lesson about opening strange mystical boxes accidentally.  Who knew.  

raiser7

31. Poltergeist (1982) vs Poltergeist (2015)
30. Blair Witch Project (1999)
29. Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
28. The Wicker Man (1973) and The Wicker Man Remake
27. Tales from the Darkside, the Movie (1990)
26. Saw (2004)
25. The Prophecy (1995)
24. The Hills have Eyes (1977)
23. House of the Long Shadows (1983)
22. Creepshow (1982)
21. Phantasm (1979)
20. The Omen (1976) vs Damien: The Omen II
19. We Are Still Here (2015)
18. The Guest (2010) (2014)
17. Return of the Living Dead (1985)
15. The House that Dripped Blood (1971)
14. Army of Darkness (1992)
13. In the Mouth of Madness (1994)
12. Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
11. Theater of Blood (1973)
10. House of Wax (1953) vs House of Wax (2005)
9. Hellraiser Inferno (2000)
8. Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943)
7. The Changeling (1980)
6. The Eye (2002)
5. The Hitcher (1986)
4. Paranormal Activity (2007)
3. 28 Days Later (2003)
2. Suspiria (1977)
1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) – This review will be published October 31st!

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