Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Stupidness

prideWho’s bright idea was it to combine the epic romance of Jane Austen with zombies?  This is basically a movie for our McDonald’s culture, served fast and with candy-coated tropes.  Zombies are popular, so now everything’s a zombie movie, including dramatic, serious-to-the-core novels.  I thought perhaps they were going for a tongue-in-cheek, campy tone, but that’s not the case.  Everything is played very straight, and there’s not a bit of satire anywhere.  In fact, there’s no point to this movie.  The zombies are just fodder to be battled by swashbuckling women, who were once subjects of marriage dilemmas and awkward coming-of-age tales.

Most of the story found in the movie was taken from the page and altered somewhat to be more appropriate for a zombie apocalypse.  Now everything is slightly changed by the presence of zombies. Most of the love story plays out like in the novel, except for the guy enjoying how the lady kills zombies with a sword.  Ah young love.  Zombie skewering always wins hearts.

Pride and Crappiness and Zombies had around a 28 million dollar budget, which serves well to imitate most of the popular things we know about zombies.  The flesh-eaters look like those out of The Walking Dead, which is good for the movie, and most of the other locations look good too.  The problem is that this movie has to be a period piece along with a blood zombie epic, so the budget stretches to include 19th century costumes and decent-looking villas, but the epic scenes feel stilted and the romance is limited.   As of this date, the movie has made around 6 million domestically, which is a pretty poor showing.  I’m not sure what the filmmakers expected.

The plot is really the issue.  The movie spends around 15 minutes explaining the zombie apocalypse, and that’s never a good sign.  Extra exposition in a zombie movie has never been my favorite, and knowing the cause of the plague didn’t add anything to the movie.  Why isn’t there a movie about the black plague or a real epidemic?  I mean, there might be some real interest there, given the historical epicness of some outbreaks.  But no, everything has to be tied to pop-culture and what’s popular right now.  Stupid.

In all, this movie is dumb.  It is not funny and even the romance is limited by the gore, blood, and stupid changes to incorporate zombies.  All the women are sword-fighters in an instant and the men have slicked hair as well as tight shirts to appeal to teen girls.  The movie doesn’t go anywhere, just trudges through it’s stupid PG-13 plot in order to showcase the changes from the original material.  It doesn’t work.  Ever.