What happened to the summer movies?

It’s not turning out to be the best start for Summer movies, because all of the movies I’ve seen so far have been crap.  The Summer months of May, June, July and August are depressing this year for movie fans.  I’m not really sure if May should even be counted as “Summer”, since “Summer-Break” is only June through August, but it’s over 70 degrees now so that’s my Summer.  

I saw Captain America: Civil War and it was alright, but not as taut and modern as Captain America: Winter Soldier to be honest.  Winter Soldier had Captain America as an outsider, and now they take it a step further in Civil War.  Then I saw Gods of Egypt.  Gods help me.

turtles

Gods of Egypt is about some 9 foot tall human-looking white guys who fight each other for over two hours.  It’s bloated and filled with crappy bang bang special effects for the lowest common denominator.  I had to put on a hat while going to see it because it’s got such a bad reputation.  Just joking.  It really does have a bad rap though, but it doesn’t help itself on-screen.  It doesn’t have relatable characters and the plot is just way, way over-the-top.    

To be honest with you, X-Men: Apocolypse looks like more of the same.  It has over-the-top special effects and a ridiculous villain who looks silly covered in blue make-up.  

Star Trek Beyond looks alright, but again, it’s not a space epic.  The Enterprise gets destroyed and some girl with too much make-up helps Kirk and Spock.  And all the trailers have been terrible, emphasizing wiz bang explosions, while Simon Pegg tries to sell us on higher philosophy.  Who’s being honest?  Looks to me like nobody’s being honest.  

And there’s even more sequels and familiar franchises this Summer, including sequel of Independence Day, Tarzan, Angry Birds, The Conjuring, Tim Burton’s crappy Alice in Wonderland series, and Ghostbusters.  Also, the Summer movie season wouldn’t be complete without some shallow action movie from Jason Statham, so we get a Mechanic sequel from him.  Then we get a Ben-Hur remake without the religious implications of the first.  And 45 year old Jason Bourne.  And Disney revives Pete’s Dragon for no reason.  And on and on.

But those aren’t even the bad ones, because there’s a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and an Ice Age movie that look especially bad.  Can’t we get something original?  How about that?

I’ll probably see a couple of these like the Star Trek movie because I’m loyal to a fault, and I think that’s what the movie studios are counting on.  Why make an Independence Day movie years later?  Does anyone care about Tarzan anymore?  Do young people know who he is? 

I am curious about The Founder, starring Michael Keaton, which actually looks like a good movie.  It’s about the guys who started McDonald’s, the restaurant franchise that made us all fat.  You can always count on Keaton for some good stuff at the movies, except Mr. Mom, which I won’t go into.  We’ve got Suicide Squad too, which I can’t forget about, which has more superheroes.  Yay.

Anyway, I’m not sure if there’s more sequels and franchises than ever before, but it sure feels like it.  Hopefully a couple of these are not complete crap because I’m going to be really depressed if all of these are just a cash grab.  It seems like the plan is to flash Megan Fox on-screen and win 100 million dollars.  Good job Hollywood.

 

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