The Slowass Movie Week of 9/2

This week is not only the last week of the summer movie season, but it could be the slowest and crapiest one of the whole year.  Most of the box office is going to be taken up by movies ALREADY released, like Mad Dogs, Suicide Squad, and Don’t Breathe, which is a pleasantly surprising movie, I hear.  Maybe I’ll see that one?  What will you see?

The only notable releases are The Light Between the Oceans and Morgan, which might fizzle out this weekend due to crappy buzz, but then again, it could do well against very little competition.  The Light Between The Oceans is just what it sounds like: it’s a sappy romance movie.  That’s right ladies, Michael Fassbender sobs and cries and looks emotional while smooching his wife, played by Alicia Vikander, an Oscar winner I’ve never heard of.  She wants a baby and there’s some stupid plot surrounding finding a lost kid.  Guess what, it’s set during World War I.  Given that, I guess they don’t want to make any money.

Morgan is a science fiction movie opening in 2000+ theaters this weekend.  It looks like a copycat of Steven Spielberg’s AI from many years ago.  Aren’t we past the artificial intelligence trend?  I guess not.  Science Fiction will never get past the idea of technology coming back to haunt us.  Just once I’d like to see a movie where the technology helps us and enriches the characters.  I guess that’d be boring.  Richard Roeper called Morgan one of the worst movies of the year.  Nice.

Overall, good luck finding a decent new release.  Maybe it’s a safer (and more entertaining) to check out Suicide Squad if you’ve been putting it off like me, because I’d rather get hit by a piano than see a Michael Fassbender romance movie.